Sour Peach
by JustRandomStoriesAboutWhatever
Summary: A story about Peach and how she, being the bottom tier of the smash brothers fighters, decides that she needs to shape-up and get on the level of the other fighters! That's what was supposed to happen, but she, instead, gets stuck in quite a few awkward situations.
1. Bi-weekly Tea

**Warning, this story may contain the following that some people may not like, such as: Character pairings of any orientation, sexual references, swearing, and bad writing skills.**

This is the first story I've ever submitted anywhere ever. Please be gentle.

I also feel like I didn't really add much speaking text or meaningful story progression, if I decide to continue this I'll try to be better.

**Chapter One**

**Chapter one may contain: Zelda being a jerk, Samus disliking guys, Peach being bad at things, and tea. If any of this offends you in any way I apologize. **

The Institute of Smash, Zelda's Room, clearly marked by, not only the position of the rooms everyone in the roster is accustomed too, but also by the pink tri-force symbol above the door that is clearly a mistake made while painting by the one and only Peach, seeing as Zelda's mostly known for her frequent complaining about it only when Peach isn't around. Anyway, this is Zelda's room, where currently, Zelda is holding her bi-weekly tea get-together that anybody is welcome to attend (But no one really does.) Both only Zelda and Samus are in there at the moment, seemingly everyone else is busy.

"_Sigh, _do you really have to have a dumb tea party almost every weekend, Zelda?" Samus sighed, slumping down in her chair slowly; arms sprawled out over the armrests weakly, staring at the plain white ceiling of Zelda's room in sheer boredom. She began to tap her foot on the power suit she'd placed just left of her chair on the floor.

A smirk spread across Zelda's face "Oh, so I take it that you don't like tea? Huh, Samus?" she mocked, right before taking another sip of her tea elegantly, she extended her pinky finger as she normally doesn't do to mock Samus' hate for princess-like events and probably just tea in general. "Also, stop tapping your foot on your suit, that's annoying."

Samus stopped tapping the suit and sighed deeply, "No, as I had told you before" Samus paused and got up for a moment, reaching down to rest her suit in a better position against the table, then resumed her lazy position "as I also told you before, I only come around here to hang out with the only other two of the three females in the roster that actually speak English." Samus replies coldly, crossing her arms and pouting as she waits for Zelda to finish her un-naturally long sip of tea.

Zelda removed the cup from her mouth and rested it on the small plate she was holding as protection against the warm tea, and as a coaster. "Well, you don't necessarily have to hang out with us just because we are female if you do not wish to." Zelda flung her head to the side, her hair whipping up into the air and back into normal position irregularly, "Why don't you hang out with somebody else? Are you not friends with… oh, what was his name again? 'Snack?'" Zelda replies arrogantly, probably purposely forgetting his name, noted by the way she giggled after she said it. She places her tea-cup and plate on the table in front of her while grinning at her upset friend.

Samus rolls her eyes, "It's Snake, and I don't really know him that well, we just share the similar interest that shooting things is pretty cool." Samus proceeds to makes a 'gun' out of her index finger and thumb and mimics shooting it, blowing off the non-existent smoke afterwards.

Zelda places an arm across her chest and rests her other arm on it, placing a finger directly under her lower lip "Huh" she said aloud, "So that means that the rumours aren't true…" Zelda says, trying her best to whisper it to herself whilst still making sure that Samus can hear her.

Samus kicked backwards in attempt to get up quickly, the chair flung backwards as she slid upwards in it, she flung her torso across the table, She barely reached more than three-quarters of the table "What rumours?" she demanded, straining to lean across the table even more towards Zelda.

Zelda kicked backwards and propelled the chair a short ways away from the table and her friend that was pretty much climbing on the table at this point. "That you two are dating of course!" a large smirk across her face "Where have you been?" Zelda sang, raising her arms into the air ever so slightly as if she was legitimately surprised.

Samus growled, scrunching her face into a nasty scowl. "Who started that rumour?! Oh, I swear to-"

Suddenly, Samus was cut-off by the door violently slamming open; the mushroom Princess herself, Peach, was standing in the doorway. She looked miffed, to say the least. Her dress torn in several places by what seemed to have been a sword, she also had dirt, dust, and grime all over her face.

Zelda's surprise quickly retreated as she started to giggle "So – **hrk **- I guess you lost to Link, huh?" she said, trying less-than-hardly to contain her laughter. "Oh, sweetie, turn this way a moment, you – _**hah **_- you got an arrow stuck in your hair!" By this point Zelda slumped over in laughter, she had leaned over from her chair and attempted to pull the arrow stuck in the Princess' hair, with no luck, she almost slipped out of the chair as she continued to giggle and merely swiped weakly at it, instead placing her hand on Peaches shoulder to avoid from falling down.

The room fell wordless for more than a few moments, other than Zelda's giggles, before Peach replied to Zelda's former question. "…Toon Link."

Zelda doubled over in laughter fell on the floor. Samus quietly scooted her chair over towards Peach and wrapped her arm around her shoulder comfortingly "It's okay Peachy-pie, you'll get better at brawling!" she said, bringing Peach closer for a hug, Peach pushed her away. Samus removed her arm from around her shoulder. "Don't feel so down, I know you'll be able to beat Link one of these days" Samus consoled as she began to attempt to pluck the arrow out of the Mushroom Princess' tangled hair.

The princess winced in pain. "Not – _Ouch _– not helping." Peach retorted, "_OUCH, _hey, that hu- **That HURTS**, SAMUS!" she slapped Samus' hand away right as she had gotten the arrow free, she lost grip and the arrow flew in a random direction.

Samus frowned at Peach "Don't be a baby! Just be glad it didn't hit you in your skull." Samus replied in a failed attempt to make Peach feel better about the situation.

Too bad Peach wasn't really in the mood for that, "I'll hit you in _your_ skull." She raged as Samus, once again, wrapped her arm around the angry princess.

"Hush-hush, Mushy-Mush" Samus joked.

"**HAH, **Mushy-Mush!" replied the still-laughing, still floor-bound Zelda, who started to laugh louder than before "Oh, It's too much!" she giggled out, clutching her stomach as she began to roll around.

***SLAM*** Peach had slammed her foot into the floor, nearly hitting Zelda's head, and standing up abruptly right after swatting away Samus' hands from around her back, both Samus and Zelda fell silent, Zelda scurried up from the floor and retreated back into her seat.  
"I've had enough of this" Preached Peach, "I'm done being the weakest one in the roster, I know people choose to fight against me just because I'm an easy enemy." She said, Zelda began to slump down in her chair slightly, as she was one of the ones that did that. Peach continued, "I am not a training dummy. I am a human being and a member of the roster, and I'm going to show everyone that I cannot be pushed around by them anymore."

And with that, Peach picked up her not-even-touched tea-cup and tossed it angrily across the room before knocking the chair she had sat on out of her way. She proceeded to the door and slammed it behind her as she left, leaving behind a distraught Zelda, rushing to pick up the pieces of her broken tea-cup, and a bewildered and wide-eyed Samus.

(The skill of the fighters in the story in no way portrays the actual 'official' ranking. )


	2. Angel Food Cake, Toads and Magic

Angel's Food Cake, Implications, and Magic

**This Chapter contains things that may not be appropriate for kids, sensitive people, and Toad.**

* * *

After slamming the door to Zelda's room, Peach wanders down the hall way, depressed, trying to think of a way for her to get some better fighting skills. '_How in the Kingdom am I going to get better at fighting, would one of my opponents really 'help' me? Or would they just lie to me to get ahead in the boards' _Is the conclusion she came too, she really doubts that even her friends, Zelda or Samus would help her because if she got better she'd become a threat! She rolled her eyes just thinking about them.

She stopped at the four way intersection in the hallway, sighing to herself. "UGH, I can't believe them, why do they always make fun of me as well? They're supposed to be my friends…" Peach thought aloud, sulkily slumping her shoulder over as she hangs her head down towards the floor.

"Aw, what's wrong, Honey?" said Pit, who had overheard her angry outburst. He was carrying a small Angel Food cake in his hands, his favorite cake!

Peach sighed again and walked over to him. "Well, I lost my last fight and my supposed friends made fun of me for it!"

"Oh, Peach. There's no need to be upset, you know Link is a really good fighter…" he said, tilting his head and displaying a pout in attempt to comfort her.

Peach sighed heavily, her frown returning to her face "It was Toon Link…"

"**Ha-** I mean, 'T. Link' is a strong fighter as well…"

"Like you'd know, you flat-out destroy both Link and Toon Link and barely get a scratch…" she argued.

"He-he, that's true, but that doesn't mean anything. It just means that my set of moves just happens to be the counter to most of theirs, their projectiles are no match for my shield!" he said, placing his left hand triumphantly on his hips, almost dropping the contents in his other hand onto the floor  
"How about we go to my room and talk instead"

They Proceeded to Pit's room, painted in a very light and angelic white colour, the walls had black outlines on them to signify that it's really supposed to be the 'light of the heavens' or 'the morning sky' or some other angelic type of crap, and that they're up high into the clouds, but it really just looks like black squiggly lines on the wall to her...  
Pit sat the pastry down on a table in the back and walked over to take a seat next to Peach on the couch.

"So, what exactly happened in the fight, what moves can't you counter properly?" he asked her, crossing his legs up on the seat.

"Well, the hardest thing for me to do when fighting someone is to _**block a sword with my bare** **hands**_. Also, arrows and bombs are pretty hard to dodge or block too, but I can just make Toad do that for me instead with his face"

"_Riiight_, Toad. Don't you think it's pretty abnormal to keep a living being inside of your dress?"

"Pfft, You're a friggin' magical angel and you're going to sit here and question me about how I keep a half-human, half-plant hybrid creature in my dress?"

Pit gave her a blank stare. "Yes, I am"

"Well, they're half plant, they don't really feel the same type of pain humans do, blah blah, they don't have as much of a reactive pain sensor. Plus he's my loyal subject that always listens to me and never, ever, misbehaves, _ever_" She said confidently to him.

Pit Shrugged. "Why don't you just block the sword with his face too?"

"Hmm, I wonder if that'll work… or if it'll just chop him up into a bunch of little-toad pieces..."

"It can't hurt _you_ to try, right?"

"That's right! In fact, it seems like a pretty good idea, it should be a piece of- CAKE.**"**

Peach had looked over at the table where Pit had set down his pastry, only to see Toad gobble down the last bite of it while they were talking.

She went into a panic because she knows how much Pit loves his pastries, especially ones that reference him being an angel! So she decided that she should just run away. "Oh, wow, look at the time! I have to go do a thing at that one… thing"

He frowned. "Oh, but you just got here! Why don't you stay a bit longer?"

"Oh, ha-ha, I would love to but I- **FLEE**, TOAD,** FLEE"** She yelled, making a mad dash for the door right as Pit had looked back at where his pastry had used to be, only to see the surviving crumbs just as Peach had left the room and retreated down the hall.  
"**TOOAADDSSTOOOOOOLEE!"**

* * *

After narrowly escaping Pit's magical arrow barrage and at the cost of sacrificing her dress-toad-shield-thing, she decides the head further down the hall for no reason at all.  
As she passes by Falco's room she hears something that sounds pretty interesting…

"Uh, Fox? I don't think that's going to fit in there" she hears someone say. Curious, she presses her ear against to the so she can hear what's going on '_I bet this is going to be juicy'_

"What do you mean it's not going to fit?!" she heard Fox say from behind the closed door, she then heard the creaking of the bed and the thump of someone stepping onto the floor, she assumed.

"What do you _think_ it means, Fox? It means it's not going to fit you dolt" she heard Falco say. "Just look at it!"

A smug grin spread across the Princess' face, whispering to herself. "I totally knew it..."

"Well, how am I supposed to make it fit?" Fox blabbed, she heard a '_knock'_ sound that sounded familiarly like wood hitting wood.

Wood? Now Peach was confused, she was sure she heard implications of the 'not safe for work' variety...

"I don't know, try and jiggle it a bit!"

"Well, if it's too big it's too big, if I jiggle it it's not going to make it smaller, that's for sure…" growled Fox "Why don't we just try and widen this thing up a bit?"

"Ack! I really on't think that's a good idea, what if you break it?" cried Falco. "That's not really the right way to do it anyway, why don't you just make that smaller?"

"Come on, Cry baby, It's not going to break, even I wouldn't do that… on purpose"

"How do you know?" asked Falco. "I know for a fact that you would break it if you tried that"

"Seriously?" Questioned Fox "if I widen it up at least it'll have more space for-"

Peach, ear still pressed against the door became very confused. '_Okay, I was wrong. I could have swore that they were-' _Before Peach could think anything else, the door let out a loud creaking sound, she thought nothing of it until a few seconds later it slammed open, causing Peach to smack her entire face off the floor of Falco's room.

"**Peach?" **Both the boys said in unison, Fox rushed over to help her up while Falco remained on the bed with a look of bewilderment on his face - beak.

"O-o-oh, hello you two! **Ouch.** I was just eavesdr- I mean, wondering what you two were up too while I was just passing by, so I went to knock on the door and the next thing I know I'm eating your floor! It's really tasty by the way" she said, in attempt to cover up her eavesdropping, ineffectively…

"Right, I'm sure you were" replied Falco, whom was sitting on the bed, holding a Bookcase Building Manual in his wing? Hand? Wing-hand-thing. "Did you… want a tissue or somethin'? You look like you just went apple bobbing in a bowl of ketchup…"

She gave him a bewildered look this time as he got up from the bed, placing the manual on top of his nightstand, and pulled a couple tissues from a small tissue box sitting on his nightstand. Peach placed her hand up to her nose and brought it before her eyes. "Ha, I guess I'm bleeding, I don't remember having any ketchup" she said as Falco handed her a couple tissues, Fox walked back over to the Bookcase he and Falco were building before Peach's ever-so graceful entrance.  
Falco walked back over to his bed, inviting the Princess to sit beside him, in which she hesitated because she knew he would ask what she was doing...

Fox giggled in the background as he was walking over. "Hehe, that rhymes, door, floor."

Falco gave Fox a dirty look before he shuffled on the bed to look at the bedroom intruder and scowled."Okay, so, first things first; you owe me a new door" he told her, crossing his arms, wings, whatever. "Second, if you're going to bust down my door, the least you can do is help us with this thing here"

Fox stopped giggling. "You mean help _me._" he said, standing over by the unfinished book case, attempting to slam the top shelf into place, but it seemed like it was too big to fit in there.

"Oh okay! I can help you with that." She said, jumping up and floating over to the bookcase, so quickly that Fox almost had to roll out of the way without being smacked in the face.  
She grabbed the shelf, spun it around, and slammed it into its place, causing it to stay there without the need to even drill it in.

"Woah! How did you do that?" Fox asked, smitten with how skillfully she did such a friggin easy task. He rushed up to her and knelt down in praise

Peach grabbed a-hold of Fox's shoulder, staring him directly into his wide, dark-green eyes.

"I'm Magic, bitch."


End file.
